What elements contribute to a fulfilling friendship? Whether it’s about forming new connections or nurturing existing ties, the perspectives vary widely, reflecting the diversity of our individual experiences and personalities.
Valuable Friendships
For Jill Bodak, an osteopath and bestselling author of Loved Into Being (2022), true friendship revolves around authentic connections, whether that means sharing sage advice or enjoying hearty laughter together.
Brooke Gordon, an executive coach and founder of Best for Women, highlights the importance of accountability and intentionality, which includes offering honest feedback, even when it may be uncomfortable.
Lyn-Marie Farley, who is the founder and principal consultant of Narratives Coaching & Consulting, visualizes a great friend as someone embodying “multi-dimensional love”—an uplifting, nurturing bond rooted in trust.
For Seán Kinsella, an Indigenous director of the Eighth Fire at Centennial College, being a good friend means maintaining a “good relationship” with one another.
Busy Lifestyles
According to Gordon, with the multitude of commitments and personal ambitions, the importance of friendships—integral to our support networks—can often be overlooked.
Bodak stresses that maintaining friendships requires time investment, emphasizing the need to make availability for consistent connection.
Radical Acceptance
Kinsella believes that true friendship entails radically accepting each individual for who they are and where they stand, fostering love through vulnerability over time. According to them, a fundamental lesson on relationships is that it takes “1,000 cups of tea, coffee, or ‘Timmies’” to truly understand someone—an inherently gradual process.
Effective Communication
Farley emphasizes the need for intentionality in her friendships. From spontaneous calls and texts that convey “I’m thinking of you” to exchanging fun social media posts and voice notes, she advises listening more and talking less while ensuring to celebrate achievements, regardless of their scale.
Built-in Boundaries
Bodak points out that “good friends” establish clear boundaries, which creates a safe and trustworthy environment in the friendship. When dynamics change, strong friends recognize and adapt to new expectations and requests.
Evolving Friendships
Gordon notes that in childhood, friendships seemed effortless due to schools, playgrounds, and social gatherings happening on a near-daily basis. However, in adulthood, establishing and maintaining friendships often becomes a challenge.
Navigating Rough Patches
Just like any relationship, friendships can face difficulties. Bodak suggests that recognizing when issues arise contributes to a stronger bond. Common challenges may include physical distance, miscommunications, and natural fluctuations in connection.
Emphasizing Accountability
Bodak highlights that friends should hold each other accountable. Maintaining communication is essential, especially during fast-paced life moments or times of personal low. Accountability also involves making amends when needed, nurturing healthy conflicts, and collaboratively resolving misunderstandings, according to Gordon.
Cultural Perspectives
Farley, who’s roots trace back to Barbados, notes that friendship in her upbringing emphasized community and group bonding. She observes that the dynamics of friendship differ markedly between her home country’s collectivist culture and Canada’s more individualistic approach, where friendships often manifest in one-on-one settings.
Understanding Gender Roles
Kinsella argues that societal expectations regarding care roles tend to be more feminine in nature, especially in a patriarchal context. They also stress the importance of fostering and caring for relationships, independent of gender identity.
The Importance of Physical Connection
Bodak emphasizes the reality of the “loneliness epidemic,” highlighting that our physical beings require connection through closeness, eye contact, and shared activities. Engaging in these authentic interactions offers measurable health benefits that assist in reducing illness risks.
Staying Connected Across Distances
Digital communication platforms serve as lifelines, as illustrated by Gordon’s experience. Email and group chats help maintain closeness despite geographical distance. Kinsella notes that while technology isn’t a substitute for in-person connection, it serves a crucial role in keeping friends connected when face-to-face interaction isn’t feasible, like during the COVID pandemic.
Modeling Positive Friendships
Bodak shares her awareness of how her child learns from her friendship practices. She demonstrates that love and joy in relationships are not solely for children, but important for adults too, showing that everyone is part of a wider community.
Kinsella adds that “at our core, we are relational beings,” emphasizing the need for diverse, meaningful relationships in our lives.
This article was initially published in the September 2024 edition of Intomodel magazine.
