The saying goes, “It takes a village to raise a child.” If we substitute “village” with “community,” it holds true that a nurturing community can instill a sense of belonging in our children. This environment aids in their development of important social and emotional abilities while offering support throughout their growth. Furthermore, strong communities contribute to a more harmonious society. As guardians and parents, we have the ability to guide our children in discovering their communities and cultivating these vital relationships over time.
The Importance of Belonging
Why are community ties so crucial? “They are vital for childhood development,” asserts Laura Henderson, a mother, former educator, and registered clinical counsellor. “A sense of belonging is essential; we are not meant to navigate life in isolation.”
Working both in private practice and as a school counsellor, Henderson recognizes the significance of community. “Children embody the advantages that come with community,” she elaborates. “Watching them thrive as they enhance their knowledge, skills, and experiences is a beautiful sight.”
Besides fostering belonging and facilitating growth, a resilient community can offer young individuals:
- Supportive figures to turn to during difficult times
- Connections to various resources and a network for future opportunities
- Positive role models showcasing diversity, cultural variances, and new viewpoints
Reciprocal Relationships
Elaine Su, a mother, teacher-librarian, and diversity advisor, also recognizes the power of community. As a first-generation Chinese-Canadian, she highlights how community forms the cornerstone of her cultural upbringing and its significance in nurturing her family.
“One cannot genuinely care for something they do not care about,” Su states. “It’s crucial for our children to care for their surroundings and the individuals within it.”
Thus, community imparts to children the understanding that their existence matters while also instilling the awareness that others matter as well. “Community involves both what you receive and what you contribute,” Su remarks. “I strive for children to recognize that everyone has roles, big and small, in fostering and upholding their communities.”
Effects of the Pandemic
Henderson notes that the pandemic’s peak saw many young individuals grappling with diminished social ties. She observed heightened levels of stress, anxiety, and loneliness among children and adolescents, corroborated by research data.
A Canadian survey taken during the early days of the pandemic revealed that 57% of youth aged 15 to 17 experienced a decline in mental well-being compared to before physical distancing measures were enacted. A 2022 international study indicated that the pandemic significantly worsened mental health issues among young people, intensifying anxiety, depression, stress, and feelings of isolation, while emphasizing the vital role of social connections in alleviating these challenges.
Cultivating a Community
As social interactions fluctuate throughout our lives, so do the communities of our children. For instance, the community of a four-year-old will vastly differ from that of a 12-year-old.
Initially, a child’s community may consist of close family members and early childhood educators. Over time, it expands to include familiar adults such as neighbors, librarians, and friends. As they mature, children begin to establish connections through school, extracurricular activities, and potentially online platforms.
Henderson emphasizes that aiding our children in forming and nurturing healthy relationships is often as straightforward as exemplifying these connections in our daily interactions. “Children absorb everything we demonstrate, including how we communicate and engage with others in our communities,” she states.
Additionally, she advocates for parents to proactively teach children communication skills, emphasizing the importance of listening and articulating their needs.
Su provides a delightful example of how even young children can cultivate community: “Naming the joy you experience when encountering a familiar dog at the park, then picking up an interesting stick and leaving it with a note for them, fosters a sense of community.” Such small gestures can help children realize their agency and ability to contribute.
A Personalized Approach
It is crucial that as parents and caregivers, we recognize the individuality of each child and understand that their community will reflect their unique needs. Henderson reiterates a metaphor from the esteemed psychologist Marsha Linehan, urging us to avoid trying to be something we’re not; instead, we should “find the garden that suits us.”
This implies that if a child has difficulties integrating or expressing themselves, they may not have discovered the community that allows them to flourish. For example, a child may not enjoy a soccer team but could thrive in a chess club or musical theatre group.
“One common issue I observe is parents encouraging their children to forge connections without focusing on their health,” states Henderson. “We should celebrate differences and seek innovative social opportunities that align with our children’s preferences.”
While connections are crucial, fostering healthy relationships is equally essential. This involves teaching our children the importance of setting boundaries. Henderson shares several strategies.
Empower Choices
From an early age, enable children to control their bodies and relationships; for instance, if they prefer not to hug someone, do not coerce them.
Provide Context
Clarify why hitting or unwanted contact is wrong.
Acknowledge Feelings
Allow children to trust their feelings, even negative ones. Validate their emotions when something makes them feel uncomfortable.
Lead by Example
Demonstrate emotional expression and healthy boundaries in your everyday interactions.
Clarify Limits
Explain the rationale behind certain boundaries, like the necessity of brushing their teeth.
Can books foster community development? Indeed, asserts teacher-librarian Elaine Su, who regards literature as “affirming, validating, and even life-changing.”
Citing distinguished literature scholar Dr. Rudine Sims Bishop, Su reveals that books serve as mirrors (reflecting our realities), windows (introducing us to new ideas or experiences), and sliding glass doors (enabling readers to empathize with different perspectives).
Su emphasizes that reading children’s literature showcasing diversity in joyful contexts is particularly impactful. “It influences how our children perceive the world, helping them challenge harmful biases ingrained in our societies,” she explains.
Furthermore, she observes that public libraries serve as vital community centers, supplying safe spaces and an array of complimentary resources and programming for individuals of all ages.
Digital connections can be enriching, joyful, and significant for young individuals. A child with a keen interest in a specific hobby might bond with others sharing that passion. It’s crucial, however, to prioritize safety online. Parents can do their part by getting involved, establishing guidelines, imparting lessons about privacy and media literacy, and setting parental controls. Resources such as mediasmarts.ca and protectkidsonline.ca are great places to find further guidance.
Is your child or teen dealing with feelings of loneliness? Henderson points out that it can sometimes be challenging to detect, and adults may not always recognize loneliness in their children. Conversely, some caregivers may mistakenly presume that a quiet, introverted, or soft-spoken child is lonely when they might not be. It’s important to engage with your child and check in on their feelings of loneliness.
Should they express feelings of loneliness, Henderson advises “acknowledging and validating their emotions instead of providing a list of reasons for why they shouldn’t feel that way.”
Next, create a realistic strategy together. “Avoid promising immediate social success, but consider the process as a staircase,” she suggests. Focus on identifying someone in their class they might want to befriend or connect with, and gradually build upon that foundation with subsequent steps.
This is an ideal opportunity to enhance your own community bonds as well.
- Enroll in a course or participate in a program offered by your local cultural or recreation center.
- Engage in neighborhood events and celebrations.
- Attend municipal meetings.
- Schedule regular coffee gatherings with friends.
- Initiate conversations with your neighbors.
- Volunteer for a local charity.
To find a professional counselor, check your provincial clinical counselors’ association. Children and teens may also reach out directly to their school’s counseling services.
